Beast - A Cat Walks Into A Bar... - Phillip Butehorn & Brian Harris

Panel 1: Location is at a bar. POV is from the bartender. Beast is sitting at a bar and is in his contemporary look.

Bartender (off panel): What can I get ya?

Beast: I require your most immense receptacle with a gallon of water and a few pinches of crumpled Dramamine.

Bartender (off panel): ...we have three different kinds of beer?

Panel 2: POV from panel 1 with slight changes. In front of Beast is a very large bowl. He sticks his paw in the water and moves it before he drinks it. There is slight wave in the bowl and water falling off.

Bartender (off panel): What’s your damage?

Beast: The crux of Scott Summer’s revolution: Mutant Lives Matter.

Bartender (off panel): Why is a seven foot, three hundred pound cat trivializing his people’s cry for reform?

Beast: Oh my Watson and Crick. Is that a line out of Summer'sblog? This world. Our problems. They are bigger than all of us. Peace is factually unmanageable.

Panel 3: Same POV of panel 2, but with Beast face first in a very large bowl with beer splattering all over and dripping down the panel as if it was a window.

Beast: SLURP.

Bartender (Off Panel): Casual at the most, but I see your point. What have you actually done though? Don’t you think Scott’s radical engagements and mantra shows he has accomplished more than you since you sit here attempting to get a good buzz on?

Beast: SLURP.

Bartender (Off panel): Here’s a trivia fact for you: Mutants are 47.4 percent of all homicide victims and 52.5 percent of offenders. Your one-eyed buddy thinks his actions will cause a drop off.

Panel 4: View is from Beast’s POV. Reader sees the bartender for the first time and he’s Nick Fury moonlighting as a Bartender. He is pouring another drink into Beast's bowl.

Bartender: Again. What you done to make a difference?

Panel 5: Same POV as the first two panels with slight changes. Bartender is grabbing the bowl. Beast is trying to dab the fur around his mouth with a napkin and holding up his other paw.

Beast: General, do you have a phone? Also, can you dial and put it on speaker.

Panel 6: A black panel with a transcription

Transcription: Five minutes later, Beast Called Wolverine and asked for a laboratory at the Jean Grey School of Higher Learning. Two days later, the Original X-Men were misplaced in the current 616 timeline.

Scott Lang - They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab... - Phillip Butehorn & Brian Harris

Panel 1: View is of a door. On the door is a sign: Kleptomaniacs Anonymous. 

Panel 2: View of Scott Lang from chest up. He looks tired. Eyes are baggy and he is one piece of bad news away from falling off the wagon.

Scott Lang: Hello. My name is Scott and I’m a kleptomaniac

Crowd: Hi Scott.

Scott Lang 1: I’ve been theft-free for five years now. But you know what? I still get those urges.

Scott Lang 2: Today, for example. Billionaire Justin Hammer arrived in town for Spy Con. Do you have any friggin’ idea what Spy Con’s net worth is? I’m sweating just thinking about it.

Panel 3: Scott is in the background, at the head of the circle sitting in a chair surrounded by other members of the anonymous group. One person is already up and walking away. Another kleptomaniac is listening closely but halfway out of her seat.

Scott Lang: It’s like the time last April, when I was casing the Worthington place (his place is in town too, on West 68th), just to see what was up. I was four years free, I wasn’t taking anything, just remembering the old thrill.

Panel 4: View of the group. One person is wiping sweat off his foreground, one is listening closely while taking notes, and another person is biting on her finger nails.

Scott Lang 1 (off panel): I don’t know, sometimes, I just- I don’t know if it’s worth it.

Sponsor (off panel): What’s that, Scott? What’s not worth it?

Scott Lang 2 (off panel): Giving up that life. I mean, I did pretty damn well for a while. Don’t you remember what that’s like?

Panel 5: The man next to Scott, the Sponsor, is sweating as he watches more of his recovering thieves make for the doors.

Sponsor: Well, let’s not forget- let’s not… Don’t you remember what this did to you?

Scott Lang 1: I guess so, yeah.

Scott Lang 2: But I also remember what this did for me.

Panel 6: Most of the remaining recovering thieves at the door, out the door or making for the door. The sponsor running his hand through his hair, looking utterly dismayed.

Panel 7: View of the three remaining members, Scott, the Sponsor and a handsome Southern gentleman with medium length hair held back by a headband, sporting a pink shirt and a brown trench coat. The gentleman is smirking at Scott, who seems the smallest bit ashamed of himself. The sponsor can’t even look at either of the men.

Remy LeBeau: Congrats, mon ami, you made 18 recovering thieves relapse.

Red Hood - Robin Beyond - Phillip Butehorn and Brian Harris

Panel 1: View is from a dark street corner looking straight into the heart of downtown Gotham. Most of the light in the panel can be found stretching out from the Bat-symbol lighting up the sky. Red Hood is speeding on a motorcycle straight at the reader.

Red Hood (Caption): My drinking buddies usually ask, "Why rope yourself back into their drama? What's the point?"

Panel 2: In the foreground, a fist is connecting with the right side of the Mad Hatter’s face. Blood and teeth fly out of his mouth. In the background, Red Hood is extending his arm into Mad Hatter’s jaw.

Red Hood (Caption): The basic answer is the adrenaline kick we get. Any cape or psycho will tell you it's the thrill that locks you into this lifestyle.

Red Hood (Caption): A lifestyle choice that led to the ass-kicking of others and plenty of Bat-finger wagging at me

Panel 3: Full view of Red Hood doing a split-kick in the air with Tweedledum and Tweedledee each taking a kick to the head.

Red Hood (Caption): I’m not as perceptive as Tim and I’ll never be as reliable as Dick. I'll always be me: the rowdy Robin

Red Hood (Caption): I slaved for my abilities. Nothing came naturally. Well, except for the arrogance.

Panel 4: In the background are Mad Hatter and Tweedledum and Tweeldedee. They are bloodied and bruised. They’re tied up together under a light post. The light is shining on them and a red Bat- symbol is spray-painted across the three of them.

Red Hood (Caption): I do what I do not to piss off The Bat and his Merry Men.

Red Hood (Caption): I do it to remind myself that I have transcended the silly “Robin” status.

Red Hood (Caption): I am The RED HOOD.

Writers-in-Residence - Phillip Butehorn and Brian Harris

We're trying something a little different with our writer-in-residence this week.  Namely, that we're going for writers-in-residence this time around.  Indeed, we're happy to have Phillip Butehorn and Brian Harris join our band of merry men for a bit.  "But how can two people both be the latest writer-in-residence?" you ask.  Well, I'm glad you did, for you see, Phillip and Brian write together, so they will be collaborating on their scripts.  I think it will make for a nice change of pace, and while we're on that note, why don't I turn the microphone over to them: Phillip and Brian - The Illumi-Nerdi!

We are the Illumi-Nerdi. We are a coalition spanning decades, centuries, parallel universes and alternate timelines. Phil Butehorn is a time-traveling history junkie that spends his time in the late 1700s, signing Constitutions, joining slave revolts and rocking Midnight Rides before that son-of-a-bitch Paul Revere ever saddled up a horse. Brian Harris was born in the not-too-distant-future of 2146. He spends his time robot boxing, Venusian drag-racing and fighting for Nexus-6 rights. In our spare time, we also run a wonderful little blog in the “present” where we discuss comics, movies, television, nerd culture and the future of robot rights at The Illumi-Nerdi.

Happy to have you two aboard.  If your scripts are half as creative as that, we have lots to look forward to.